The Saga Continues...

The March 8th appointment went well. We heard the baby's heartbeat for the first time and it was good at 160 beats/minute. We both cried. I had been having severe nausea for a couple of days (even threw up on Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday) and so, when we went in on Monday, we had been optimistic for perhaps the first time in this pregnancy.

But by March 10th, things got worse. The spotting had increased significantly. On March 11th, it turned to bright red again. We called the RE and set up another ulrasound for March 12th. They heard the heartbeat again - 180 this time. This was yesterday. Since the bright red bleeding, I have had no nausea or throwing up. Nothing on Friday or Saturday. I am already fearing the worst. We have a pre-natal appointment scheduled on the 18th and there is nothing I can do till then.

This is the worst thing about infertility. I am always waiting for the other shoe to drop. I cannot enjoy this pregnancy out of fear. I analyze each symptom and lack of symptoms kills me. I just want to spend my time in the bathroom throwing up. I spend my time researching pregnancies without symptoms. I will take this emotional roller-coaster for the next 9 months if that is what it takes. But I at least want to know that everything turns out for the best. Unfortunately, there is no way to know that at 7 weeks and 5 days.

Living Day to Day

Somehow we made it to Monday. The 4 intervening days were torture - punctuated by bleeding, clotting, crying. By me poking my boobs to see if they are sore, by wondering if I was feeling nauseous. To make matters worse, I woke up on Saturday feeling really sick - congested, unable to breathe, aching all over and still spotting/bleeding. Things got so bad that I nearly passed out in the shower on Sunday night and spent about 10 minutes dry-heaving - till my husband managed to pull me out of the shower.

On Monday morning, we went in with NO hope of anything positive. We were trying to convince ourselves that it was over. But to our joy (and amazement and fear), the ultrasound found a baby. And a tiny heartbeat - 121 beats per minute. The doctor said that they look (at this stage) for anything above 100. My cervix is closed too.

So, our next ultrasound is scheduled for Monday, March 8th (barring the unforeseen). I am on near or complete bedrest to slow the bleeding. We are nowhere close to being out of the woods yet - we are only 2 weeks into this pregnancy. The bleeding is still a concern and a problem. But we made it through another day. Only thousands of hours of this left to go...