I have been doing betas for the past week. Friday (14dpo) started out at 231. Monday: 970. Wednesday: 2170. Tomorrow is Friday and we are going for our first ultrasound and another beta.
Here is the problem: tomorrow is exactly one week from finding out I am pregnant. This is where it all went downhill last time. The betas were doubling nicely till then and then they crashed!!! All hope destroyed. So, I am dreading tomorrow's beta. And the ultrasound is even more scary. What if this repeats my last ectopic? What if they cannot see anything in my uterus?
To make matters worse, I am having similar symptoms. Till Wednesday, my boobs were a little sore. The soreness has steadily decreased from last Friday and today, there is absolutely nothing. No symptoms. I used to react badly to smells since last week - nothing bothers me in the last 2 days. No twinges, no cramps, nothing. A deafening silence louder than words.
I want symptoms. I sit still waiting for them. For something. Anything. But I cannot manufacture them.
Now, I am thinking of the alternatives. Is it better for my future chances for this to be a miscarriage? What will I do if it is a miscarriage? Or worse, if it is an ectopic? In the latter case, why is this happening to me? I have NONE of the risk factors for ectopics. What is going on and why? That is what I want an anwer to: why? Why me? Why this? What have I done to deserve this?
I prayed all day. For this baby. To have it. But I feel helpless. What can I do? How many more times can I go through this?
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OMG, you must be on pins and needles. What was the result of your beta today?
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