Wow!! Can IF screw you up!!! I got my BFP yesterday and was ecstatic for exactly 10 minutes. This was followed by pure panic because I was also spotting. In fact, I had started spotting the night before (even though I am on progesterone supplements) and just assumed AF was on its way.
The visit to the doctor was inconclusive. They said they could not do anything for the bleeding really - my progesterone was high enough as it was. Just told me to put my feet up and rest all weekend and come back on Monday for another blood test. So, this has been my weekend: sitting in bed with nothing to do but think. Think about all the things that could be wrong. That could go wrong even if things are OK now. What if this is another ectopic? What if this is a chemical pregnancy? Or I already miscarried and I will not find out till Monday?What if this baby does not make it?
Why is there an ache on my right side? Why do I not have any pregnancy symptoms? Was that a cramp? I want to go to the bathroom but dare not because I do not want to see blood. I spend every minute online researching pregnancies without symptoms, bleeding during pregnancies, anything that gives hope, anything that applies. I am mentally trying to gear up for the worst while my heart yearns for good news.
This is the problem with IF. I am no longer prepared for good news. I expect the worst. And yet it hurts every time. And every pregnancy could be your last chance. It took us a year to get this far. If this does not work, there may not be another pregnancy. And so it is not simply a matter of trying again. It is a matter of now or never.
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